# How to Support Someone Experiencing Intrusive Thoughts

Compassionate communication strategies for helping loved ones navigate distressing and unwanted mental patterns.

- **Source:** [TIME](https://time.com/)
- **Published:** 2026-10-28
- **Topic:** [Career Growth](https://brifing.si/c/growth)
- **Original article:** <https://time.com/article/2026/10/28/what-to-say-intrusive-thoughts/>
- **On Brifing:** https://brifing.si/s/16f15ca6-d8c9-4ab9-90a4-e20f2bb3caae

## Understanding Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, distressing images or urges that feel out of character. While common in OCD, they can affect anyone, often targeting things a person cherishes most. Clinical psychologist Alissa Jerud notes that individuals may hide these thoughts for decades, fearing they reveal a dark or monstrous nature.

## Validating Initial Disclosures

When someone shares these thoughts, start by expressing gratitude for their trust. Avoid dismissive phrases like 'don't say that,' which reinforce existing shame. Counselor Madeline Thompson Smith suggests explicitly stating that the disclosure does not change your perception of them, which helps maintain the relationship and fosters a safe environment.

## Managing Non-Verbal Cues

Your physical reaction matters as much as your words. If you look startled, acknowledge it immediately rather than hoping it goes unnoticed. Kimberly Leonte suggests saying, 'I wasn't expecting that, but I want to hear more.' Maintaining a warm, non-judgmental tone is essential to ensure the person feels comfortable continuing the conversation.

## The Reassurance Trap

While offering reassurance feels kind, it can inadvertently fuel the OCD cycle. If the person repeatedly seeks confirmation that they are not dangerous, answering reinforces the compulsion. Instead of debating the meaning of the thought, acknowledge their discomfort and express confidence in their ability to endure the feeling without needing immediate answers.

## Collaborative Boundary Setting

If reassurance has become a routine, discuss changing this dynamic together, ideally with therapist guidance. Abruptly stopping can cause confusion and distress. Agree on how you will respond to future requests for reassurance, ensuring both parties understand that the shift is intended to support their long-term mental health and recovery process.

## Identifying Support Needs

Ask whether your loved one wants you to listen or help them find solutions. They may simply need to feel less alone, or they might be ready to discuss next steps. If they are already in therapy, ask how you can best support the specific techniques they are currently learning to practice.

## Professional Intervention Pathways

If thoughts interfere with daily life, offer low-pressure help in finding a therapist. Look for specialists trained in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which helps individuals tolerate thoughts without rituals. Always clarify if a thought is scary or if there is an intent to act, seeking immediate professional support if necessary.

## Maintaining Normalcy

After a disclosure, continue treating your friend as you always have. Avoid constantly asking about their mental health, as this can make them regret opening up. Send memes, invite them to dinner, and maintain your usual dynamic. The goal is to be supportive and present, not to act as a therapist.

## Sources covering this story

- https://time.com/article/2026/10/28/what-to-say-intrusive-thoughts/ — 

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_Summary written by Brifing from the original reporting. Copyright in the original article belongs to its publisher; read the full piece at the link above._