Moving Beyond the Myth of Doing It All
A venture capitalist reflects on the health costs of modern motherhood and professional expectations.
1The Illusion of Balance
Four years ago, the author argued that women should embrace an unbalanced life rather than seeking perfect equilibrium. Now, as a mother of four and a venture capitalist, she questions if this constant teetering has caused women to lose themselves. The relentless pursuit of optimization has replaced genuine living with endless tasks.
2The Modern Mental Load
Mothers currently carry 71% of the household mental load, which involves the invisible work of planning and anticipating needs. Unlike previous generations, modern parenting requires meticulous scheduling, leaving little room for spontaneity. This shift, combined with professional demands that never clock out, creates a state of constant, exhausting, and unsustainable pressure.
3Physical Cost of Stress
Chronic stress leads to allostatic load, the cumulative wear and tear on the body that never fully switches off. This manifests as inflammation, hypertension, and various diseases. Women spend 25% more of their lives in poor health than men, and nearly half of working women report their jobs damaged their mental health.
4Systemic Lack of Support
The current infrastructure is not built to support the modern working mother, as evidenced by the fact that less than 9% of NIH research dollars over the last decade went to women’s health. Society expects women to excel at work and home in isolation, often stigmatizing those who admit they need help.
5The Power of Community
The author found solace in a text group called The Womb of Silence, where women share their struggles without judgment. This space allows members to admit they are drowning before board meetings or ask for medical advice. It serves as a vital support system that challenges the cultural pressure to appear perfect.
6Reframing Personal Success
The author is actively reframing her mindset to accept that doing everything alone does not earn awards. She now prioritizes asking for help, whether through technology like Instacart or hiring childcare. This shift is not about carrying less, but about ensuring that she is no longer carrying the entire burden alone.
7Investing in Women's Time
As an investor, the author now focuses on companies that provide women with their two most precious resources: time and health. She recognizes that the deterioration of women’s wellbeing is a systemic issue that requires better solutions. Her investment strategy reflects a personal commitment to restoring the balance lost to burnout.
8Permission to Rest
After welcoming her fourth child, the author concludes that it is acceptable to climb off the see-saw of life entirely for a break. Asking for help is not a sign of failure but a necessary step toward thriving. True success involves acknowledging limitations and building a tribe to share the load.
Original article: Fortune — Moving Beyond the Myth of Doing It All